Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
