Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize