its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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