Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
