Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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