i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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