Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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