Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
