she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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