Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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