yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
