i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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