Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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