after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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