I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
