fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
