he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
