If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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