I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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