Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize