I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize