now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize