I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
