Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
