So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
cat food counts as protein by the way
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
