Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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