she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
