I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
