respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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