You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
