I think I am morally bankrupt
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We have started to decorate penises.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
