he puts the penis in happiness.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
