before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
