I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
