So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Where is the hickey?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just want to make out with him forever
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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