I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
In America we eat man semen.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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