Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
