I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Four minutes until I can fart!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
