I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
