I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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