I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize