Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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