Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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