Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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