We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
