why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
