I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
