check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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