Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize