genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
