and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
