someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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