this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I want a musical about memes.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
