Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
