We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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