remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
