Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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