I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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