This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This is my life. Enjoy the view
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
