Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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